Confession: We bought a haunted house…

5 Feb

My wife and I are in the process of buying a new house and I swear, I haven’t signed and or initialed this many things since I was applying for college. I had to use the force to channel my social security number, which I had stored away long ago behind countless song lyrics and pointless movie lines. We’re really excited about the purchase, but when I say we are buying a new house, I simply mean that it is new to us. The house itself was built in 1925, but it is in a great neighborhood and we got a pretty amazing deal.

Such an amazing deal actually, that I’m starting to grow concerned about the history of the house. Not so much the structural history, we hired an inspector, and for a small fortune he prodded around the house and snapped pictures with a digital camera of all the things we needed to fix. I’m talking about the actually history of the house.

A friend joked that the only reason we got such a great deal was because someone used the place to perform satanic rituals, or that someone was murdered there. Normally this is the type of thing I’d laugh off, but my wife and I just finished watching an unhealthy amount of Dexter in an extremely short time, and now I’m super paranoid that everyone I know or anyone I pass on the street, is in fact a serial killer. I’m in the process of searching all of my friend’s homes for trophies of their kills.

This paranoia has built to the point where I’m now completely confident that I’ve purchased the home of a serial killer and or Satan worshiper. I’m also convinced that although I’m completely joking (only 99 percent serious), my wife will not be able to sleep the first night we stay at the house because of this post.

I’m a little less stressed out now that I Googled “serial killer, murder, murdered, satanic ritual” and our address, only to have nothing solid pop up in the search results. I’m sure the house is fine, we’ve toured it a number of times, even at night, and found nothing strange.

Well, we did find a pretty eerie photo of a young boy, in the basement, placed prominently on the furnace. It looked like he used to live in the house, but it was pretty strange because the house has been abandoned for a number of years, then completely gutted and redone by a company who bought and flipped the place. They even replaced the furnace. So how did the photo end up on furnace? Who put it there and what were they trying to tell us? Oh shit… it just hit me! We bought a house that is haunted by a little boy. I’ve got to go call our real estate agent.


2 Responses to “Confession: We bought a haunted house…”

  1. amy hutch April 21, 2010 at 8:47 am #

    You can search the title history of your house and then search local archives about the previous owners, preferably in some smelly, poorly lit basement of some 200-year-old library. At least, I think that’s how it happens in the movies… Libraries are a dying art. The one on 5 mile checks your books out by u-scan computer now, but that’s a whole other issue.
    Just don’t contact the stupid kid with a Ouija board, because that’s bad news bear. And if small children start talking to things you can’t see, or your pets bristle and growl at seemingly nothing, start selling tickets as a tourist attraction. It’s like Jesus on a piece of toast… say you have ghosts in your house and anyone who wants to badly enough can see them.
    My grandparents’ house was haunted; I survived, thanks largely in part to a giant bearded collie named Pippin, so dogs are a must, but I notice you have that covered.
    (For the record, I haven’t ever seen Jesus on a piece of toast. I just see dead people. Oh, and if Jesus’ face was on my toast, that could be bad, purely because I love to eat and I rarely analyze before I chow down. So if I ever ate your face, Big J., I apologize.)

  2. Holly Luna September 9, 2012 at 3:25 am #


    Did you ever… Or… Were you ever able to find out if it WAS haunted?

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